 My friend Erinn just had a baby – Emma Grayce. During her pregnancy, I’d tell her things here and there……things to look out for. But a lot of things, I kept to myself. I’d think “Well good night. I can’t tell her that! It would scare her to death.” Or “Uhhh, I don’t think I should tell her that. Her eyes might pop out of her head!” And now I’m smacking myself every time Erinn tells me something that I should have already told her about – things they don’t tell you in THE BOOKS. Who writes those dumb books anyway? I know…..men without children, that’s who. So, this post is for Erinn, and all the other people out there who are pregnant or about to be pregnant. Things the BOOKS or your friends should have told you. |
 There is lots of pain involved. Yes, I would do it all over again…..but honey, there is pain involved. If you get an epidural, I’m just here to tell you that breastfeeding at first is more painful than giving birth. Your nipples feel like they are on fire and every time that child latches on, you want to scream. The good news it, this pain only lasts 2-3 weeks and then you toughen up. Until you get bitten. Then the pain is on again. BUT, breastfeeding is one of the greatest giftsthat God gives to a mother and child. I still miss it every day. It was the time when Annie and I were just together.Oh, and also I need to mention that when all your women parts are starting to shrink back to the original size after the baby comes out, that is going to hurt too. I think I recall telling Barry one day that “Honey, I am going to DIE right here in the car.” |
 Oh, and the night sweats. Good grief. Why on earth don’t they tell you about that?! Before I was pregnant with Annie, I was cold all the time…..now I sweat like a pig. When she was first born, I’d wake up in the middle of the night just certain that Barry had turned on the heat and dumped a bucket of water on me. What is all this sweat?! ICK! I used to cuddle with Barry and Dottie all night long and now I just wish I could sleep on a bed of ice. Be prepared for sweating. Lots of sweating. |
 That baby is going to fall……off the couch, off the bed, off you, off the baby swing……off SOMETHING. And here’s the kicker. You’re going to be right beside him/her. You’re going to see this all happening. It will be in slow motion and you won’t be able to do a thing about it. You’ll scream. You’ll have a panic attack. Most likely, you’ll visit the ER. You’ll replay it over and over in your head, imagining the child losing various body parts and limbs. But, children are resilient. They make it through. Most of the time, they just get up and go on….or they don’t even wake up. I once recall my sister falling out of the back of my dad’s truck bed, then getting up and stating: “I fell out of the truck.” She then went on about her business. Yeah. |
 Oh my honey, the questions are coming. “Do you breastfeed?” “Do you use a pacifier?” “Does that baby sleep all night long yet?” “How much does that baby weigh? She looks like she’s 2 years old!” “Wow, haven’t you lost that baby weight yet?” “Is that YOUR baby?” “Is this a girl or a boy (when she’s wearing an entirely pink outfit and a pink bow)?” “Why does that baby have a tan?” Oh, and then the advice comes. You’ll get advice you never wanted……actually, most advice you don’t want. Most of the time, you’ll just want them to hush up. Go away. Leave me alone. You might consider becoming a recluse. People think that just because you had a baby they can ask you all sorts of questions about your boobs. HELLO! Might turn the tables on them and ask them if they’ve had a bowel movement today. That might at least make them go away. |
 Let me set your mind at ease honey……the term “sleep like a baby” is the dumbest thing ever. Babies only sleep well when they are first born. Then, that goes all to pot. BUT, let me tell you something else……it’s perfectly normal. All those stupid books telling you how to get your baby to sleep all night long? Don’t buy them. They’re fuel for fire. You’ll just drive yourself crazy. Your baby will sleep when your baby is tired. And if you want to breastfeed your baby to sleep? DO IT! That baby won’t be breastfeeding with you for long, and you’ll miss it like crazy. So when some “know-it-all” tries to tell you that you don’t need to do that, just nod your head and go on with your business. Don’t let anyone take away your Mommy-Baby time.It’s precious and shouldn’t be wasted.So, sorry Erinn…..I should have told you this earlier. I’m sure there is more to add to the list. |
| This post is linked at Gratituesday on Heavenly Homemakers. |
There is lots of pain involved. Yes, I would do it all over again…..but honey, there is pain involved. If you get an epidural, I’m just here to tell you that breastfeeding at first is more painful than giving birth. Your nipples feel like they are on fire and every time that child latches on, you want to scream. The good news it, this pain only lasts 2-3 weeks and then you toughen up. Until you get bitten. Then the pain is on again. BUT, breastfeeding is one of the greatest giftsthat God gives to a mother and child. I still miss it every day. It was the time when Annie and I were just together.Oh, and also I need to mention that when all your women parts are starting to shrink back to the original size after the baby comes out, that is going to hurt too. I think I recall telling Barry one day that “Honey, I am going to DIE right here in the car.”
Oh, and the night sweats. Good grief. Why on earth don’t they tell you about that?! Before I was pregnant with Annie, I was cold all the time…..now I sweat like a pig. When she was first born, I’d wake up in the middle of the night just certain that Barry had turned on the heat and dumped a bucket of water on me. What is all this sweat?! ICK! I used to cuddle with Barry and Dottie all night long and now I just wish I could sleep on a bed of ice. Be prepared for sweating. Lots of sweating.
That baby is going to fall……off the couch, off the bed, off you, off the baby swing……off SOMETHING. And here’s the kicker. You’re going to be right beside him/her. You’re going to see this all happening. It will be in slow motion and you won’t be able to do a thing about it. You’ll scream. You’ll have a panic attack. Most likely, you’ll visit the ER. You’ll replay it over and over in your head, imagining the child losing various body parts and limbs. But, children are resilient. They make it through. Most of the time, they just get up and go on….or they don’t even wake up. I once recall my sister falling out of the back of my dad’s truck bed, then getting up and stating: “I fell out of the truck.” She then went on about her business. Yeah.
Oh my honey, the questions are coming. “Do you breastfeed?” “Do you use a pacifier?” “Does that baby sleep all night long yet?” “How much does that baby weigh? She looks like she’s 2 years old!” “Wow, haven’t you lost that baby weight yet?” “Is that YOUR baby?” “Is this a girl or a boy (when she’s wearing an entirely pink outfit and a pink bow)?” “Why does that baby have a tan?” Oh, and then the advice comes. You’ll get advice you never wanted……actually, most advice you don’t want. Most of the time, you’ll just want them to hush up. Go away. Leave me alone. You might consider becoming a recluse. People think that just because you had a baby they can ask you all sorts of questions about your boobs. HELLO! Might turn the tables on them and ask them if they’ve had a bowel movement today. That might at least make them go away.
Let me set your mind at ease honey……the term “sleep like a baby” is the dumbest thing ever. Babies only sleep well when they are first born. Then, that goes all to pot. BUT, let me tell you something else……it’s perfectly normal. All those stupid books telling you how to get your baby to sleep all night long? Don’t buy them. They’re fuel for fire. You’ll just drive yourself crazy. Your baby will sleep when your baby is tired. And if you want to breastfeed your baby to sleep? DO IT! That baby won’t be breastfeeding with you for long, and you’ll miss it like crazy. So when some “know-it-all” tries to tell you that you don’t need to do that, just nod your head and go on with your business. Don’t let anyone take away your Mommy-Baby time.It’s precious and shouldn’t be wasted.So, sorry Erinn…..I should have told you this earlier. I’m sure there is more to add to the list.
I’ll be the first to shout AMEN!That really used to kill me about the boy/girl thing. My boys looked like boys. They wore blue all the time for the most part and had things like “Daddy’s little man” written on onsies and stuff. They had motor cycles, and baseball, and all the things that (yes girls can enjoy it too) is generally associated with boys, and people would still ask me “Is IT a boy or a girl?” Seriously??? Wait till you have another one…it seems like the baby weight never leaves unless you get really lucky and then people will start to ask when are you due? Even though the baby is laying right there in the stroller.
Amanda recently posted..Hectic
LOL
Good comment!
LOL–You are too funny! You left out stretch marks (so I didn’t get them w/ #1, but, yes, they definitely came with #2!). Here are some things my 3-year-old said after I had Baby Girl #2: “Mommy, there are two Maggie’s: This Maggie (pointing to Baby Girl) and there’s still another Maggie in your tummy.” “Mommy, what are all those lines on your belly.” “Love lines, honey. Love lines.”
I did the “cry-it-out” with #1. Boy, I regret it now. I held #2 ALL.THE.TIME. They grow up TOO fast! Can’t believe Baby Girl will be 1 in October!
Also, it took me until the 3rd trimester to show the first time around. With baby #2, I had to break out the maternity clothes at 9 weeks!
Funny post.
Erin@TheHumbledHomemaker recently posted..Breastfeeding Challenges:Mastitis {Guest Post}
Thanks for posting. Erinn will enjoy reading these.
When Belle was a baby, she had this crazy curly hair- she still has it, but at 5yrs old, it’s much more manageable. When she was around 12 months old, it really started to get thick… and I cannot tell you how many people asked me if I permed it!! Seriously?? I felt like saying, “yes- I give my baby perms.” Some people…. HA!!
Yes, some people. HA!
My oldest daughter (4) has really curly hair too. From the time that first piece of hair got long enough to curl around all I’ve heard is, “Is her naturally curly?” No, she just got a perm. Or no, we got up super early so I could curl it. I mean really, here’s your sign ppl.
“Here’s your sign.” LOL
I love this post! So true, so true! I remember SO clearly the first time that Deklan fell off of something, he was in our bed and I got up before Daniel to take a shower, leaving the two of them in our bed. I think Deklan was about 6 months old. So, I was in the bathroom in the shower with the door closed and I still heard this big THUD. I just knew what it was. I screamed and jumped out of the shower and ran to the bedroom – yes, just like that. Naked and dripping wet. Deklan was crying by then and Daniel was trying to wake up (bless his heart, he could sleep through a tornado). I was all yelling at Daniel for letting him fall and grabbing poor little Deklan up and dripping in a big puddle in the floor and freezing because it was in like February or March. Daniel was like “Well, I didn’t mean to let him fall!” I look back on it now and it’s funny, but I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then and there – naked and wet and dripping. Now wouldn’t the paramedics have had fun with that one, I would have been the talk of the town for a long long time!
LOL Tia! That totally cracked me up!
Baby neck-fat cheese!!! NO ONE warned me! You just wake up one morning and there is a horrible smell coming from your baby. Turns out, during the night they drooled and it pooled up in the folds of your babies neck. By morning it turns into a nasty smelling cheese. And it is soooo hard to clean out.
Also, green poop. Sometimes bf babies won’t get enough hindmilk and their poop is neon green. Then when you get use to normal stuff they start solids. You feed them green beans and woah, green poop again. Lol
LOL
The night sweats…oh my! I’m also a usually cold person but we didn’t put extra blankets on our bed all winter after I had my son. I just would wake up burning up…sheesh. It’s calmed down now but I’m still warmer than I use to be.
Whew! Me too!
LOVE this post!!
LOVE this! What got me the first time (I’m pg with #3) is all the unwanted advice and questions! As a new mom I was already unsure of all of my decisions and watched my baby’s weight religiously, but you know what? Today he’s a happy healthy 4 year old without everyone’s advice! Parenting is a lot of common sense and figuring out what works for you and your baby.
My advice to a new mom would be this: Sometimes your baby is going to cry and you won’t have a clue as to why. Hungry, no. Tired, maybe. Angry he’s not getting picked up because you hopped in the shower when you thought he was sound asleep, he’ll be ok for the 3 minutes it takes for you to smell better. Honestly, if he cries he will not self destruct!
I love all of this! Can’t wait to share it with other mommmies & prego friends!
Great post! It is so important for new moms to follow their hearts and stand up for themselves and their babies. While there are loads of books out there (and I have read a lot), the wonderful thing is that God gives us what we need to care for our babies.
Brandy recently posted..In the Fresh Air
Amen!
Well said Brandy. No two kids are alike and no ones knows your child like you do.
Great post! I wish someone had told me about the falling! All 3 of my boys fell and I freaked out EVERY TIME, because, you WILL as you pointed out- it’s all slow motion, right in front of you and you can’t do anything about it other than stare in horror! They are very resilient though and were always fine.
and another one for the new mommies re: getting bitten, it’s also good to note that sometimes you can avoid being bitten while breastfeeding if you watch their latch. While latched, they can’t bite you- their tongue is in the way. If they drop the latch and their jaw gets a little “squared”, remove your breast quickly because chances are, those little chompers are going to get you
I’ve found that once their teeth aren’t “new” anymore, they stop biting (unless they’re mad) so it DOES get better 
Danielle recently posted..Baby Magic Patty Cake Dustless Baby Powder giveaway
Danielle, thanks for the biting tip!
I love this! I’m going to send a link to my sister-in-law, pregnant with her first and totally delusional =)
Aren’t we all totally delusional with the first? Ha, ha!