I Am Not Supermom – From Mommy Guilt to Mommy Grace

I will never be supermom. I want to be…but I can’t make it there.

Annie wants to play matching cards with me. I’m busy in the kitchen. She gets upset and yells at me. I yell back at her. Great. Now I’ve lowered myself to a 3 year old’s standards.

Mommy Fail.

Annie wants to help me in the kitchen. I tell her no. I’m too busy and I want to get my work done. She leaves and returns sadly to her room.

Mommy Fail.

Andy is crying in the bouncy seat. I’ve had him in there for too long and he wants his Mama. I’m busy folding laundry and so I leave him just a bit longer.

Mommy Fail.

Barry gets home from work and wants some quality time with his wife. I’m tired. I don’t feel like talking. I’m worn to a frazzle and just want a cup of coffee and chocolate. Barry works on his computer.

Mommy/Wifey Fail.

Dwelling in the Word

I am so weak. I’m tired. My children don’t sleep well. I hear stories of other super mom bloggers – bloggers who get up early in the morning and do all their work – bloggers who hire mommy helpers so they can get their blog work done. I just can’t do that. I can’t hand my children over to someone else so that I can “get my computer work” done. I’m a Mommy. THAT’S my work.

I am so weak. I just want to get up early and have some quiet time with God. I want to watch the sun rise. I want to take a hot shower with no one yelling at me. But instead, the minute my feet hit the floor, one or both of my children are up with me.

“But he said to me [STACY], “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

A daily word from God

I don’t need to be supermom. I don’t WANT to be supermom. I want my children to see me messy. I want them to see me mess up and to hear me apologize to them and ask for forgiveness. Won’t that also teach them that they need forgiveness from their Heavenly Father? Yes.

I don’t want to give up time with my babies so that I can work on Facebook. I don’t want to tell Annie that I can’t play matching cards with her because I’m reading a new article about Twitter. She’s precious. My time with her is precious…my time holding Andy is but a breath in my life.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. Proverbs 127:3-4

He will only be little for a short while

As I start to extend grace to myself, let me also extend grace to you. We don’t have to be perfect – we just have to be Mommy. I can’t be a super-blogger and play with my babies at the same time. I’m a Mommy first. So, if blogging takes a back burner sometimes because I don’t have time to write when/if my kids are asleep, then a post doesn’t come out. Big stinkin’ deal. I’ll get around to writing a new post or catching up on Facebook comments when I get around to it.

Yes, I might not get extensive quiet time with God each day, but instead I can have devotions WITH my children and teach them about the love of God – all the while learning myself.

Yes, I can blog…when it’s convenient. Sometimes I might not get around to my computer work. That’s okay. Some days I might not get anything done except feed my family and take Dottie out to pee.

“Quiet” time with Annie

One day I won’t remember the dust that didn’t get cleaned up or the pile of clutter on the counter – but I will remember making my son giggle for the first time. I will remember Annie standing in her learning tower mixing up muffins with me.

Sometimes I might not get to take a bath…and sometimes I might forget that I didn’t brush my teeth today – or the day before. Uhhh, oops? Who cares? As long as I’m not stinkin’ up the house, I should be good to go, right?

God shows me grace. He loves me. I must also learn to show myself the same grace. And I must also show that grace to my children. After all – that’s my job.

Who wants to be supermom anyway?

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31: 27-30

Join some of my best friends on the web as they also impart grace to Mommies.

Intentional By Grace

When Your Quiet Times Aren’t So Quiet - Do you struggle to find some time that is quiet so that you can spend time with God? Yeah – me too. LeighAnn says you just have to get creative. And she’s right. Don’t let your time with God suffer just because it’s a free-for-all at your house.

The Humbled Homemaker

Why I Gave Up Going to Bible Study – Do you feel pulled in every direction? Do you feel like you SHOULD go to Bible study at church when all you really want to do is stay home with your kids? You’re not alone. Sometimes staying at home is best.

Day2Day Joys

Making Time for Quiet Times – Sometimes you just have to MAKE the time. Let something else go.

Disclosure: Some posts include links to sponsors or affiliates, which give me a small percentage of the sale. You are not obligated to use these links when you make a purchase, but when you do so it helps to support this site, so thank you!

About Stacy

Stacy is the author of Crock On: A Semi-Whole Foods Slow Cooker Cookbook and a stay-at-home mom to her two children, Annie (3) and Andy (newborn). After an “awakening” in March 2011, her family switched to a more natural, whole foods diet. She likes to blog about how to live on less than you make and how to eat good food while doing it. Her passion is teaching others how to save money and she tag teams with her husband in this endeavor. At Stacy Makes Cents you’ll find information on how to save money in the kitchen, how to have fun with your kids, and how to be thrifty in all areas of life. Her passion is teaching others how to live debt free. Make sure to follow her on Facebook and Twitter to keep up with her daily antics.

Cathy Walker

Stacy,
God bless you and your babies! Your babies will grow up too fast! Yes, your time with them is most important. The dust will be there tomorrow. I am an empty nester. I love my grown up kids; but I miss them being little and here with me! Enjoy this time!
Cathy
- Stacy
  
  The dust will always be here – my babies won’t. Thanks for the support and kind words!
Nikki

Stacy this post was raw, beautiful and so encouraging! I rely heavily on my quiet time being a noisy time at breakfast with the girls. I know it blesses us all despite the fact it doesn’t look how I expected!
- Stacy
  
  I’ve had to change my idea of an ideal day – and I’m cool with that. I just had to come to that realization. You should have knocked me around and told me earlier.
Melissa

Ok, I feel kinda bad asking this question here after all of the warm and fuzzy talk this question seems waaaay to practical. However, along the lines of housekeeping/parenting and being a wife, one must cook (usually, at least sometimes…) and so I have a question regarding organizing recipes. I do not have Internet at home (I live in the boonies) but do have an iPad and I connect about once a week to check email and follow the blogs that I like (this is one of my favorites!). I want to copy recipes that you post on your website and paste them into some kind of organizer that I can use offline so I don’t have to hand-write all the recipes I want to try. Is there any kind of document organizer or recipe organizer that you know about that can be used offline after the recipes are entered? I am really enjoying your blog, too. This one in particular really hit home with me! Thanks!
- Stacy
  
  I asked Barry because he has an iPad. He said: Two thoughts: Evernote (free) and on iPad, there is the same “notes” program that you have on your iPhone. Either would work. Evernote allows you to save pictures and everything. That would be my preference.
http://creatingtreasures.blogspot.com tereza

Great post… My word for this year is PEACE… peace to myself, peace to my household. It’s not a race.

One thing I have learned in this blogland, is that no one has perfect days EVERY day! What you see as a perfect day in a blog may have been the ONLY perfect day in that week, or that month. I also learned that I do not have to COMPETE with anybody but myself. I need to be better than I was yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago… but that is it. I don’t have to be better than some other mommy blogger or homeschooling mOm. I have learned to keep my priorities straight. For a while now, I have wanted to post more than once a month, but I have not been able to. And the reason is: I got 4 kids, a house to take care of, a husband and other things that are more important than blogging.

So yeah, grace to myself!! I got to be busy about doing what God has called me to do and right now is being a wife and a MOm … the rest is the rest.
- Stacy
  
  Grace and peace…..two awesome words!
Rechelle

OMG! i am so grateful to have found this website on pinterest. just reading this first page has overwhelmed me to tears. I can relate on some many levels, i am so blessed right now to be reminded of what i already know to be true.
- Stacy
  
  We Mommies have to stick together and encourage one another.
AineMistig

THANK YOU SO MUCH for writing this!! Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only Mom with days like that!!! It’s such a relief to know I’m not!

Great post! Thank you!
- Stacy
  
  You’re not the only one – and if you get down about your day, just think about me and smile.
Nal

Happy 2013! I have been missing in action for a while.
You are just being a momma and last year this is the message I send to my mommy friends. May God bless us with the Spirit of wisdom and Grace while we care for our family and a friend of mine added patience! lol cause I know we need it . I do totally understand and as for Annie let her help, even though you feel you will be running behind it’s OK because when you will be ready to ask her to help you, she might not be interested anymore, and will be running away and keeping herself so busy…. lol. So long as at he end of the day people are still breathing, fed and there are clothes for the next day I’m super satisfied we beat up ourselves way too much sometimes.
- Stacy
  
  I know I do…I have resolved to let her “help” me more often.
http://10angelkisses.blogspot.com Lilly M

Thank you so much for your honesty. I am one of those mommys that has to have all the laundry and ironing done, house clean, yard clean, cars clean, dishes washed, meals cooked… I will go go go until I do not have an ounce of energy left to drag myself to bed. My children are now grown and I missed out on so much with them because I was so busy trying to keep a “PERFECT” home :’(
- Stacy
  
  I am sure they have lots of good memories about their mama! And now they know how to keep a tidy home.
Shannon

How encouraging for this definitely-not-a-super-mom mom to read! A great reminder that sometimes when I feel like things aren’t getting done but I’m spending quality time with my kiddo-s, I’m actually being a super-mom to them; and that’s what really counts!

P.S. I loved seeing the picture of your devotional “Our Daily Bread.” My husband and I use the same one to start our day and really are blessed by each one!

Thanks so much!!
- Stacy
  
  I guess we just all need to re-define “supermom.” Someone on Facebook said, we might not be Supermom but we are Super Moms. Amen!
Sarah

Hi Stacy

Thank you for the reminder. And the relief. Things have fallen apart a little at the edges for us (we’ve been living in a small caravan and a tent for 3 months), but we are about to move into a rented house. It has been good to read this and feel that at the end of it all, we all ate (though not always what we should have), and we coped. God has been so gracious to us! Yay for us not being super mum’s!
- Stacy
  
  Yay is right! And just think – that’s an awesome thing you’ve accomplished and your kids will remember it forever. Good job, mama!
http://www.mysweetwilliams.wordpress.com Michelle

I don’t think I have ever commented before, but I LOVE your blog. And I can tell from reading it, you are an amazing mother! There is tons of reading material here for me. I keep finding new stuff I want to read and can’t keep up haha! So don’t feel guilty in slowing down some
- Stacy
  
  I’m so glad to meet you! I hope you’ll comment more often.
Jessica

Thanks for posting. I am having one of those days today . Joggin two jobs and taking care of the household is very stressful. Esp when im not near any families..
- Stacy
  
  Give yourself a break. And later, remind me of the same thing, okay?
http://Www.monettebarrera.myvi.net Monette

Simply put. You are amazing!!
These “mommy fails” are me to a T and I’m so happy we aren’t all pinterest mothers!! It would be like stepford wives. No thank you! I’m just so lucky to have a husband who enjoys our time as a family together and appreciates the fact that I can leave my messy kitchen till later even if it’s a week later. Ha I always say I might have a messy house, but it’s clean!!!
- Stacy
  
  I think I’ve resolved to let my house be messy sometimes – playing with my kids is more important. I can clean when I’m old.
Loren

I absolutely needed this post right now! I’m a new mom to 3 month old twin boys. Our babies were 10 weeks premature so we spent 59 days in the NICU before bringing them home at the beginning of December. Because of what I considered “lost time”, I came home thinking I would jump right in to my Pinterest inspired mommy journey with photo shoots each day, scrapbooking and homecooked meals. Uh… not so much! Thank you for being a voice of truth and helping me see that other mommies have their moments of feeling less than perfect. Your blog is such a blessing!
- Stacy
  
  Whew girl – give yourself a BREAK! Andy is 4 months old and I still can’t get anything done….and there is only one of him.
Sabrina

Stacy one day your children will be teens (like mine) and you will miss the little ones they once were(sometimes) ok maybe always, but there will be a time for yourself.Sometimes too much time. Once they begin to sleep all night and become self sufficient, you will have much more time. I do get up at 6:30, spend time with God and force myself to workout, but I put my kids in public school and went to work after 10 years, so for me 6:30 am was my only option. It’s great that we have a God who reminds us how much He loves us even when we fail. Have a great day. It’s Grace is new.
- Stacy
  
  And how glad I am – I need it new EVERY day.
http://todaysinspiredlife.com/ Deanna

Stacy,
I’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I’ve been reading it for several months now. Every post is valuable to me, but I have to say that this one today is by far, the most valuable and one I SO needed to read today. God bless you for writing it. I’m a writer by trade, and a SAHM mama now. Every word of this post was so relelvant for me. Thank you for your honesty and for speaking truth. There are so many memories we need to cherish, and our children will be so blessed for the time we spend with them, for we only have them as wee ones for a short time. I will not worry about the pile of dishes right now, or the laundry, or the posts I’ve yet to add to my own blog. I will however hug my little one, pray with him, and play. Thanks again! God Bless you and your precious family.
- Stacy
  
  I’m glad you stumbled across me….I’m usually in the way and that’s why I get stumbled over. At least Annie always tells me I’m in the way. LOL
http://countrylivingmama.blogspot.com/ Janet

Amen and amen Stacy! I appreciate this post SO MUCH… which is one of the reasons why I have your button on my blog. I appreciate you!

Have a very blessed day loving on your children (and your little guy is getting so big! Wow!),
Janet…mamachildress
- Stacy
  
  Wow! You do?! I’m SO honored!
Leigh

Thank you, thank you for this post. So beautifully written. But I felt like you were taking the words right out of my mouth, or the thoughts out of my head. I found your website while reading a post at ‘The Humbled Homemkaer’, and I am so glad I did. Being a mom is THE BEST EVER, although I constatnly have to keep reminding myself that I can’t do everything. It helps to know there are so many other moms who struggle with the same feelings.
- Stacy
  
  The Humbled Homemaker is one of my best pals. Glad you read her blog!
Donna

Love, love, love it once again!! I just love your blog and your down-to-earth, reality-based approach. As someone else noted, you are always honest and raw, and I appreciate that.
We have recently taken a huge leap of faith and are transitioning now to me being a stay-at-home mom. I always thought I’d work forever, but you can only ignore God whispers so long, so here I am.
It is not easy to admit that I really can’t juggle a job that sometimes meant 12-14 hour days at the office (plus the hour commute each way), and 3 kids, and husband, and dependent brother, and an elderly grandma who needs lots of help, and house duties… sigh… the list goes on & on. Kudos to those working moms who make it work as I did for years, but it’s time for me to give up the idea that I’m Superwoman, and let something go.
This post was just so wonderfully timed. I have big dreams and plans of what life will be like now, but I also I realize my house will not be perfect and every day will not go as planned.
Thanks once again for the encouragement right when I needed it!
- Stacy
  
  I’m convinced that staying home all day keeps you busier than a full time job! I have worked full time before…and man, being at home is just as busy if not busier! Good luck and blessings on your new venture in SAHM land!
Kathryn

Oh how I needed this post today! 5 min. ago I was running through my day and thinking how nursing my 4 week old baby overwhelms me because how much time out of my day it takes me… and then the guilt sets in. She is already 4 weeks old. I’ve already told my 4 year old I’m too busy more than once in a day by now. I’m rushing through bed time with my 6 yearold so that I can have some time to myself before midnight and praying my 2 yearold will take a nap so I can finish cleaning my room. Life passes to quick and most days I can’t put down the to do list to spend the time my kids need with me.
- Stacy
  
  Already today I’ve had to smack myself and I think I might have to start doing it on a daily basis. I know when I quit nursing Annie I missed it SO BAD.
Brigid

Stacy, thank you for being so honest and transparent. I feel like God had you write this for me. I am a SAHM of two boys ( 3 1/2 & an almost 2 year old). My husband travels nearly every week out of state for work and there are days when I am putting too much pressure on myself to be super mom and then beating myself up at the end of the day because I didn’t accomplish it. There are days where I am so weary and exhausted from the normal day-to-day stuff, from playing referee, and from the non-stop disciplining that I find myself not enjoying my boys and almost longing for the day they are in school. Then I feel guilty for thinking that. I am so grateful that in my weakness, God is my perfect strength. Only He can give me peace that passes all understanding and His grace is sufficient for me. I pray for His patience and mercy every day in handling each day. I am so encouraged by this post because I could have written it myself. It is comforting to know that someone else struggles with all of the things that pull us moms/wives in a million directions. I find myself dealing with the same issue of not letting my older son help me do things because I just want to get it done, and quickly because my mind is already thinking of the next task I have to do. I have to ask God to remind me that he is so young and wants to learn and just spend time with me, whatever I am doing and that one day soon, he won’t be around to offer his help and may not want to spend so much time with me. I just need to slow down and love on my boys.

Thanks for your blog Stacy. I enjoy reading it and learn so many wonderful things from it. God bless you and your family!
- Stacy
  
  I knew I could get some support if I posted that…and then I realized we could all support each other. This life is so short and we don’t need to spend it being guilty – let’s encourage each other every day!
http://www.smoothie-recipe-notebook.com Becki

This was exactly what I needed today, Stacy. I’m trying to get better on top of my household routines (as in, actually know what needs to be done rather than wondering why it’s all a mess). I was feeling good about what I got accomplished this morning, but needed the reminder that the cry from my sick, teething, 7 month old daughter is not a distraction from my mission, but a call to my mission. And the Lord will help me complete it. Thank you!
- Stacy
  
  YES! I love how you said that! A call TO our mission! Excellent quote!
Nicole

Hi Stacy,
What really struck me while reading this post is your insatiable love for your babies. I, too, have small children and I often feel that I am pressured to “let go” a bit (put child in preschool, church nursery, etc.). It’s like it is the “in” thing to do. I have succumbed to these pressures and have always regretted it when I did. I only I’d the church nursery a few times and now my husband and I have decided to keep our kids with us even if it means not attending church for now during this season if our lives. We both still find those quiet times and teach our kids about God and how to have a relationship with Jesus. In saying this, I am thankful to you for your frankness in posting about this. In my world,
I am the only breastfeeding, keep my kids at home kind of mom. I always feel as an outcast and feel that I spend a lot of time defending myself and my values. I feel that motherhood is my number 1 priority an it is Gods chosen job for me. I love my kids! Thanks for posting. Your words are comforting and inspiring!
- Stacy
  
  You’re not the only one. I’m a “breastfeeding, keep my kids home kind of mom” too. We have an important job to do – let’s embrace it and forget what everyone else has to say. Remind me of that okay?
Misti

Stacy,
Like so many others, I just love your blog, too! And this post is perfect for ALL of us Mommies out there–SAHM, working, it doesn’t really matter! I’m sure we are all pretty hard on ourselves sometimes.
Right after the birth of my first child I remember telling my husband, “Being a Mom is the hardest, lowest paying job I’ve ever had, but it is definitely the most rewarding!” Almost 15 years later I’m a full-time homeschooling mother of four, I *still* feel this same way!! Life as a wife/mom is a juggling challenge EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. but I wouldn’t change MY life’s mission for anything!
I have found that getting into (at least somewhat of) a routine each day/week helps me accomplish so much more than just trying to wade through each day, unplanned, though. For example, a friend once told me that she always changed the sheets on her beds on Mondays. I tell you, that was like a “lightbulb” moment for me! Duh! What a GREAT idea! Pick a task, assign a day, get into routine, create a HABIT…PROFOUND!! Tasks go undone a lot less often around here now and everyone it happier because of it!
God bless all Mommies (and Daddies, too)! And thanks for keeping it REAL, Stacy!
- Stacy
  
  Whew girl. Whew.
http://www.dinkylee.com Stacee

I so needed to read this post today. Even though my children are older (youngest is 15), I still have to remind myself that it is ok if the dishes sit in the sink while I watch a movie with my family, or that email goes unread because my son wants me to play a game with him, or that a blog doesn’t get written again because I’m listening to my daughter who needs moral support on her grown up decisions. Again thank you for this post I helps to know that I’m not the only one.
- Stacy
  
  I think I need to make myself read this post every day of my life.
Shannon

Hi Stacy,
I was reading this and the link you posted from Humbled Homemaker regarding giving up things like Bible study when it is not in the best interest of your family. My husband and I struggle with going to church with our small kiddos. They both dislike the nursery, and honestly, it is not fun to just leave them with people who are sometimes strangers to us. Our kids are definitely distressed when we pick them up always. Also, we have tried bringing them into the service, but at their ages, they are disruptive and can’t sit quietly even with all the best busy books, snacks, etc. I just don’t know what to expect sometimes. Should we give up church until our kids grow a little? It bothers us so much. Please – any thoughts, advice, comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
- Stacy
  
  That’s a hard one…and I understand where you’re coming from. We’re very blessed to attend a church where I can keep the kids with me. I’ve been told on multiple occasions by older church members that they enjoy having the young ones in the service. That’s a load off this mama. We used to attend a church with a nursery and I only took Annie a few times – I hated every minute so I stopped.
  I think it’s very important for young children to be with their parents in church – Sunday School is a good time for fellowship with peers, but CHURCH should be with family – and that’s just my hard headed opinion.
  I would encourage you not to give up church – the Word tells us not to give up meeting together. You might just be on the lookout for a family-friendly church. You could probably ask around and find one easily.